Lying in bed one night I found myself trying to go to sleep. As I tried to focus on why I was feeling so anxious I realized I’d been going 100 to nothing all day and hadn’t taken time to relax. My breath was shallow and quick. My heart seemed to be beating a million miles per hour. As I tried to take deep breaths and slow my breathing I found it almost uncomfortable to do. What I didn’t realize is I had been training myself for months to breath that way because of the lifestyle I was living.
Having 4 kids ages 21 to 14 life can be quite busy and challenging at times. Not to mention stressful. While I always take time to exercise and eat right, I don’t take a lot of breaks just to slow down and relax. Even vacations are full of activities and things to do. Many times I return from vacation more tired than I was when I left. LOL!
So why is training our bodies to breathe properly important? The way we breathe affects every part of and system in our bodies. Breathing incorrectly can lead to problems such as dizziness, anxiety, chest pain, digestive issues, neck and shoulder pain just to name a few. If we are under constant stress or if we continue to run our bodies ragged we may find we begin experiencing these things. I know I was. I even went to my physician for a complete physical. When everything seemed to check out just fine I began to pay attention to what was going on when I would begin to feel certain things. Usually it was at the end of a crazy day when I hadn’t taken the time to sit down and relax a little. So I started a few times a day to work on re-training my breathing to be slower and deeper.
It only takes about 5 minutes 3 or 4 times a day to retrain your breathing. Yoga & pilates classes are great ways to work on this as well. The best way at home to work on this is to lie on your back with your hands on your stomach. Breathe in through your nose for about 4 seconds and then hold it for a few seconds. You should feel your stomach rise as you breathe in. Exhale slowly through your mouth again for about 4 seconds. Continue to repeat this for about 5 minutes. While you may not notice changes immediately in your breath, over time you will. I will say it definitely will help you immediately to relax a little and that is a good thing too.
If you are experiencing any of the above symptoms my first advice is to see your physician for a complete physical. If everything checks out you may have the same issues as I did. Even if you are not experiencing these things, learning to breathe properly in our fast-paced world can make a huge difference in the way you feel and your overall health.
Recently I was asked by a client if it was possible to build muscle in menopause. This lead me to do a little more research…….especially since I am approaching that stage in life as well and more and more of my clients are facing this. My initial thought was, “yes,” but it does become more difficult.
During menopause your body goes through so many changes. As we age we start losing muscle and we tend to gain fat around our middle. This begins around the age of 30……well before menopause begins for most. So, it is important that we be conscious of a healthy lifestyle long before menopause begins. However, too many of us don’t and then menopause hits and we wonder what happened.
Once perimenopause and menopause begin our body undergoes natural hormonal changes. These changes lead to muscle loss, bone loss, and a slowed metabolism. The muscle loss and slowed metabolism are the main things that contribute to the weight gain. I will make a side note here. If you notice that your lifestyle has not changed and you have put on a serious amount of weight I would advise you to check with your doctor. There could be some other serious issues causing the gain.
While this may sound odd my next bit of advice would be to embrace the change your body is going through. It is the natural cycle of life that God created……therefore it can’t be all that bad, right? Aging is difficult, and Lord knows I would love to be in my 20’s again……especially knowing what I know now. Also, if you are stressing about this next stage of life, this can contribute to weight gain and muscle loss as well because your body produces Cortisol when you are under stress. So do your best to embrace this part of your life……inconveniences and all. Each day God gives you is a gift to enjoy.
If this is a natural part of life,then its normal to question, “Then why bother doing anything about it?” First of all you want to be able to enjoy life and to be as healthy as possible for those you love and care about. Not to mention the older and more experience you have the more fun things you can do. You want to be healthy enough and have the energy you need to do those things. If you exercise and have a healthy eating lifestyle the benefits during menopause are tremendous. It will help to prevent weight gain, reduce the risk of cancer, make your bones stronger, reduce the risk of other diseases such as diabetes and heart disease, and it will boost your mood, make you feel better, reduce stress, and give you more energy.
Before starting any training program you should check with your doctor and/or have a complete physical. Then the question becomes how does one go about building muscle during menopause if it is more difficult and muscle mass is decreasing. Strength training 2-3 days a week and having a healthy diet is one of the best ways to do that. It is key to building muscle. Strength training involves resistance through either weights, kettle bells, resistance bands, etc. Also, to build muscle your body must have protein. Many people as they get older tend to cut their protein intake but you can not build muscle without it. Good sources of protein are dairy, poultry, beef, fish, and eggs. You can, also, get protein through beans, yogurt (watch added sugar here and make sure it is the greek yogurt), and whey protein.
Other things you can do to help build muscle are to reduce your calorie intake. It is a good idea to find out what your Basal Metabolism Rate (BMR) is. Your BMR is the amount of calories your body burns daily before added exercise. Limit your cardio to a couple of times a week. This is sufficient to train your heart but not so much you will burn the muscle you are trying to build. Reduce sugar, alcohol, and don’t smoke!!!! Some supplements that aid in building muscle are D3 and Omega 3s. Finally, add some flexability, stability, and balance exercise to your workouts. Yoga is a great way to add all 3 at once.
Finally, you need to find ways to stay motivated. Why? It will keep you going when you get tired and want to quit. One of the best ways to stay motivated is to find a group to workout with…..people you are accountable to and who care about you. Sharing life and the interest of getting healthier together makes it more fun. Let’s face it not everyone is like me and is a fanatic about working out (and I still have days I don’t want to). God made us for relationships and I have found those relationships and doing life with those special people make whatever I’m doing or going through that much easier.
My intentions for todays blog changed somewhat over the course of the last week. This past Sunday was my dad’s brother’s birthday (Uncle Lee) and my sister and I decided to go see him to wish him a Happy Birthday. After spending several hours talking to him and listening to stories about family, friends, and the town he grew up in that taught the kids (and I don’t mean the education they got in school…..as I recall, Uncle Lee called it “Common Sense” education) I knew I had to change direction just a little. He mentioned how the family was always happy, even during some of the most dark times you could imagine.
How is it that someone can say they were always happy during the darkest of times? To give background, my daddy’s family lived in a small, rural, Texas community. When my dad was 8 years old his father was injured in a farming accident and died several days later. He left a wife (pregnant with my Uncle Lee), my dad, two older sisters, and a younger brother, Jim (who later died in a car accident at 15 years old). My grandmother only had about a 7th grade education. How do you provide for a family like that during the depression? Well, she did. She and the community taught my dad and his brothers and sisters about love, compassion and hard work. They grew up with a strong sense of “All for one and one for all,” as my Uncle Lee put it. There was never a thought of self. It was all about each other and the people around them. It was a true love for family, friends, and even strangers. They never spoke ill of anyone and if I am truly honest I can look back at my time with my own dad and I can’t remember one time he had anything bad to say about anyone……..even when I knew it was someone who had done something to offend him.
Ephesians 4:29 talks about only speaking what builds people up. Proverbs 15:4 says, “the soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.” Boy does it ever! Proverbs 18:21 says the tongue has the power of life and death and I believe we can see that in the world we live in today. Many of our problems today are a direct result of what we speak or what has been spoken to us. The Bible says in Matthew 12:34 “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” I believe many of our hearts are pretty dark. From our own hearts is where the joy or hurt that lies within us comes from and what causes us to speak ill of ourselves and of others. This was the main reason I addressed loving yourself in last weeks blog.
As children we are typically happy and extremely loving. The world hasn’t quite gotten it’s grip on us yet. I believe that is why Jesus says in Matthew 18:3 unless we become like little children we will not enter His kingdom. But what happen? Where does the depression, the anger, self-loathing, putting others down, and all the negativity come from? I would bet if each one of us looked hard enough we could pin point the moment things began to change and I would bet it started with something someone said or did that impacted you negatively and made you question yourself. Before I go on can I just say that is the evil around us and you are a precious and wonderful gift from God with a divine purpose!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For me it was my 8th grade year. Prior to that, I was one of the happiest people on the earth. I had a strong Christian belief and I never questioned anyone’s motive. Towards the end of the year my school was having elections for Student Council President. I had been Vice President the year before and pretty much should have been a shoe-in for President. Evidently, my running had offended someone. Without going into detail I was literally boo’d when I came onto the stage to give my speech (in front of the whole student body) and when I left after I was done. Although I smiled the best I could and gave my speech proudly I was devastated on the inside. As I started paying more attention to things being said about me, many of which were not good, I started to believe them more and more. From there detrimental behavior followed and the vicious cycle began……I was not good enough……This thought process lead to talking bad about others to make myself feel better about me or participating in things I never thought I would. This, I believe, if where things like drug use, alcoholism, eating disorders and bullying begins. Just take a look at the increase in these things especially the suicide rates among young people. It is scarey to say the least.
How do we break the cycle? I’m glad you asked. I will start by saying its not easy and honestly I don’t have it completely figured out. The nasty beast raised its head in my life just this past weekend. Ugh! I hate it when that happens. The starting place is to begin with what I talked about in my last blog. I’m no psychologist and certainly not a professional counselor and if you are dealing with serious issues I recommend getting help from a professional. I am just a human being with my own experiences and I know what has helped me. The place I had to start was with myself. I had to quit believing the lies the evil one kept whispering in my ear. Once I felt better about myself, loving others became so much easier. Start making efforts towards others. Whether its family, friends, or strangers just lifting them up makes a world of difference. Smile all the time, even when you don’t feel it. Say hello to strangers. Don’t turn your eyes away. Engage in a positive way with people. Give sincere compliments. Take up for someone who is being unfairly treated. Don’t gossip. Find positive things to say about EVERYONE……….even those who you disagree with or who have hurt you. Most of all forgive!
My daddy passed away in 2004 at the age of 77. It wasn’t until after his funeral that I truly realized the man he was. This very humble hard working man had a packed church of people saying farewell. Some of them were students of his from his very first teaching job and others childhood friends. There were business associates and current friends. As I talked to more people that day and since then, the one thing they all have said is they never heard him say anything bad about anyone. Soon after my dad’s death my mother gave my two sisters and I a poem he use to carry in his wallet. I never even knew he carried this but I want to end by sharing it with you. This is what I want to strive for. This is what I want to be. I hope you enjoy it and I hope it inspires you as well.
I Know Something Good
Wouldn’t this old world be better
If folk we meet would say –
“I know something good about you!”
Then treat you the same way?
Wouldn’t it be fine and dandy,
If each handclasp fond and true;
Carried with it this assurance –
“I know something good about you!”
Wouldn’t life be lots more happy
If the good that’s in us all,
Were the only thing about us
That folk bothered to recall?
Wouldn’t life be lots more happy
If we praised the good we see?
For there is lots of goodness
In the worst of you and me!
Wouldn’t it be nice to practice,
That fine way of thinking, too?
You know something good about me!
I know something good about you!
As 2017 came to a close I realized I needed to do something different in 2018. I realized if we are ever going to meet the goals we set for ourselves we first have to change many of the ways we think. After experiencing some of the highest highs and lowest lows I noticed I had changed. I’d let the lows make me bitter and at times I experienced depression to the point of not even wanting to get out of bed. What happened to that always positive and upbeat person I’d always been? What happened was that I lost sight of Whose I was. I saw every fault of mine (and blew it up 100 times). I heard other’s criticisms of me and took them as truth not realizing that I was actually believing the enemies lies. It kept me from loving myself and loving other people. It kept me from realizing my God-given talents and my God-given purpose for being here. It kept me from reaching any goals I set for myself. I just merely seemed to exist.
The “Greatest Command” as given in the Bible is found in Matthew 22 verses 36-40. There Jesus said to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind……….And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.” As I thought on that verse I realized I had no problem with the first part of that verse but it was the second part that I had failed at miserably. But why? Thinking back on my year I realized that I had trouble loving others and being my happy self because I had bought into the lies the enemy kept whispering to me. I’d hear, “Tracey your a horrible wife and even worse mother. You suck as a friend. Your selfish and self-centered. You’re fat. You’re getting old.” I could go on and on. For every good thing that seemed to happen there were ten bad (I’m exaggerating but that’s how I felt).
In the last quarter of the year I was drawn to studies and books on love. This was probably due to the fact I didn’t feel loved and was having a hard time loving others. I, also, saw a world that didn’t seem to have a whole lot of love either. As I studied and read, a central theme kept popping up. It was learning to love yourself. When I say that I don’t mean a self-centered love that says things like “I’m better than others”. I’m talking about a love for who God made me to be and my God-given talents and purpose. In Psalm 139:13-16 the psalmist talks about being fearfully and wonderfully made by God. Ephesians 2:10 says we are His workmanship created for good works. I could go on and on with scriptures telling me why I should love who God made me to be, yet I still believed the lies.
I have to be honest I am probably no expert in loving myself but I have learned a few things that have begun a renewed spirit in me. I still struggle almost daily but I am beginning to “like” me a little more each day and I believe the enemies lies less and less. I would first ask you to change your perspective on yourself. Take time for you, whatever that looks like. For me its time to study God’s Word and meditate on it, exercise, to eat right, to get the rest I need. Oh and don’t forget the occasional retail therapy and mani/pedi! (I do love shoes and clothes!) I find that if I spend time on me I’m better suited to spend better quality time with the people who are most important to me and to love others. I recently read the book “Speak Love” by Annie F. Downs (anniefdowns.com) and in that book she talks about speaking positive words to yourself. One thing that really resonated with me was would we dare say some of the things we say to ourselves to our best friends face? The answer for me was a resounding “NO”! I would never tell my best friend (or anyone for that matter) the things I say about myself. Things like “that jumpsuit make you look 5 feet wide” or “you suck at being a mother and any of your kids bad choices are all your fault” or one of my favorites to say to myself “you don’t have any real friends that really care about you” That last one is one of the biggest lies because I truly have a network of friends who would be there for me in a heart beat. STOP SAYING THOSE AWFUL THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF!!!!!!! I do have to recommend the above book to everyone. It is written with teenage girls in mind but I promise it will have a word for whoever reads it……even boys.
After changing the way you talk to yourself (instead of “I’ll never be anything special” say “I am made with a divine purpose”) start doing things that will boost your confidence in who you are. Find things your enjoy doing. Do something you’ve never done. One thing I started doing a couple of years ago with my boys was feeding the homeless. I don’t know that I would have ever done it if it weren’t for the fact we were in Young Men’s Service League and that was one of the service options. But, we did and it has been one of the most rewarding experiences of both my boys and my life. Maybe you like to cook……then host a dinner party and share your gift. Take a meal to an unsuspecting friend. Other things could include exercise, taking a walk, painting, and so many other things. Get active and get involved and begin with things that you enjoy and that build your confidence.
Beginning the journey of loving ourselves puts us on the path to fulfilling the “Greatest Command” Loving God and loving others. I hope you will stay with me on this journey during the month of January. Next week’s theme transitions into loving others. What does that look like? Well, its different for all of us as we show and receive love in different ways. But, it all leads us to the same place…….a new you and a new me and above all hopefully if we all do just a little we will make a difference in a world that truly needs it.
