As 2017 came to a close I realized I needed to do something different in 2018. I realized if we are ever going to meet the goals we set for ourselves we first have to change many of the ways we think. After experiencing some of the highest highs and lowest lows I noticed I had changed. I’d let the lows make me bitter and at times I experienced depression to the point of not even wanting to get out of bed. What happened to that always positive and upbeat person I’d always been? What happened was that I lost sight of Whose I was. I saw every fault of mine (and blew it up 100 times). I heard other’s criticisms of me and took them as truth not realizing that I was actually believing the enemies lies. It kept me from loving myself and loving other people. It kept me from realizing my God-given talents and my God-given purpose for being here. It kept me from reaching any goals I set for myself. I just merely seemed to exist.
The “Greatest Command” as given in the Bible is found in Matthew 22 verses 36-40. There Jesus said to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind……….And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.” As I thought on that verse I realized I had no problem with the first part of that verse but it was the second part that I had failed at miserably. But why? Thinking back on my year I realized that I had trouble loving others and being my happy self because I had bought into the lies the enemy kept whispering to me. I’d hear, “Tracey your a horrible wife and even worse mother. You suck as a friend. Your selfish and self-centered. You’re fat. You’re getting old.” I could go on and on. For every good thing that seemed to happen there were ten bad (I’m exaggerating but that’s how I felt).
In the last quarter of the year I was drawn to studies and books on love. This was probably due to the fact I didn’t feel loved and was having a hard time loving others. I, also, saw a world that didn’t seem to have a whole lot of love either. As I studied and read, a central theme kept popping up. It was learning to love yourself. When I say that I don’t mean a self-centered love that says things like “I’m better than others”. I’m talking about a love for who God made me to be and my God-given talents and purpose. In Psalm 139:13-16 the psalmist talks about being fearfully and wonderfully made by God. Ephesians 2:10 says we are His workmanship created for good works. I could go on and on with scriptures telling me why I should love who God made me to be, yet I still believed the lies.
I have to be honest I am probably no expert in loving myself but I have learned a few things that have begun a renewed spirit in me. I still struggle almost daily but I am beginning to “like” me a little more each day and I believe the enemies lies less and less. I would first ask you to change your perspective on yourself. Take time for you, whatever that looks like. For me its time to study God’s Word and meditate on it, exercise, to eat right, to get the rest I need. Oh and don’t forget the occasional retail therapy and mani/pedi! (I do love shoes and clothes!) I find that if I spend time on me I’m better suited to spend better quality time with the people who are most important to me and to love others. I recently read the book “Speak Love” by Annie F. Downs (anniefdowns.com) and in that book she talks about speaking positive words to yourself. One thing that really resonated with me was would we dare say some of the things we say to ourselves to our best friends face? The answer for me was a resounding “NO”! I would never tell my best friend (or anyone for that matter) the things I say about myself. Things like “that jumpsuit make you look 5 feet wide” or “you suck at being a mother and any of your kids bad choices are all your fault” or one of my favorites to say to myself “you don’t have any real friends that really care about you” That last one is one of the biggest lies because I truly have a network of friends who would be there for me in a heart beat. STOP SAYING THOSE AWFUL THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF!!!!!!! I do have to recommend the above book to everyone. It is written with teenage girls in mind but I promise it will have a word for whoever reads it……even boys.
After changing the way you talk to yourself (instead of “I’ll never be anything special” say “I am made with a divine purpose”) start doing things that will boost your confidence in who you are. Find things your enjoy doing. Do something you’ve never done. One thing I started doing a couple of years ago with my boys was feeding the homeless. I don’t know that I would have ever done it if it weren’t for the fact we were in Young Men’s Service League and that was one of the service options. But, we did and it has been one of the most rewarding experiences of both my boys and my life. Maybe you like to cook……then host a dinner party and share your gift. Take a meal to an unsuspecting friend. Other things could include exercise, taking a walk, painting, and so many other things. Get active and get involved and begin with things that you enjoy and that build your confidence.
Beginning the journey of loving ourselves puts us on the path to fulfilling the “Greatest Command” Loving God and loving others. I hope you will stay with me on this journey during the month of January. Next week’s theme transitions into loving others. What does that look like? Well, its different for all of us as we show and receive love in different ways. But, it all leads us to the same place…….a new you and a new me and above all hopefully if we all do just a little we will make a difference in a world that truly needs it.
